“The Pursuit of Happyness” is one of my all-time
favorite movies. It is a story of trial and triumph enacted poignantly by Will
Smith that tugs at my heartstrings every time I watch it. That aside, one
fascinating fact I learnt from the film is that the “United States’ Declaration
of Independence” assures all its citizens the fundamental right to pursue
happiness. What a profound promise that is! Often, in my moments of irrational
exuberance about humanity at large, I tell myself that the United Nations Human
Rights Council ought to undertake an academic exercise to write a perfect Constitution
– one that borrows the best from constitutions of all nations and that line
about the “Right to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” should be one
of the opening statements of that document. (By the way, while we are at it, I
also think it is time to change “all men are created equal” to “all life is
created equal”).
But how does a nation deliver on its promise to allow its people to pursue happiness? How does one define an amorphous and intangible concept like happiness? I was pondering upon such problematic thoughts one Sunday morning a couple of months ago, while the week’s laundry lazily swirled in the washing machine, when a group of friends dropped by for lunch. After everyone had settled in and enough beer had been had for no question to seem out of context, I hurled that bizarre question at them that no guest expects to be asked over a leisurely lunch – what did happiness mean to them? As expected, the first response I got was a round of bewildered looks that face readers might interpret as “where the hell did that come from”? When I explained that I had been thinking about the words in the American constitution after watching the movie on TV, people got over their initial astonishment and started opening up.
The first answer was firmly grounded in the present moment when Suhas (all names changed) said that happiness to him was a lazy lunch on a Sunday afternoon talking rubbish with friends over chilled beer. All of us agreed with him, even as we delved deeper into the concept. What we all knew and was re-affirmed was that happiness meant different things to different people – to Priya, it was the recent moment when she learnt that she had got a much awaited promotion (she defined it more broadly as achieving goals she set for herself); to Shekhar it was the experience of fatherhood; Urmi found happiness in being by herself and playing the guitar (she is the mother of four-year old twins); her husband – Amit, who is a motor bike junkie, is happiest when he is riding his Harley Davidson on the national highway early in the morning with his fellow members of the Harley owners’ club; or when he is playing with his children. In the meanwhile, Suhas thought some more (beyond his opening comment of having beer with friends on Sunday afternoon) and added that the day he felt really happy was when he bought an apartment in his hometown couple of years ago and moved his parents there from the rented place they were in earlier…. It was a fun conversation and like all such conversations it ended without any of us really knowing when it did – we had moved on to other topics and some more beer.
But the thought stayed with me. After they left in the early evening and I sat with my customary cup of tea in the balcony (like I mostly do on Sunday evenings), I started re-playing the conversation in my head and processing what it all meant. The first insight I got was a real revelation – no one spoke of things money buys. No gadgets, clothes, shoes, cars. Even when things that can be bought with money were mentioned – like Amit’s Harley Davidson motor bike or Suhas’ apartment – they were means to achieve a larger end – the pursuit of a passion in the case of Amit and the well-being of his parents, in Suhas’ case. What about myself, I thought? So many “things” made me happy – the iPhone I recently bought, the car, the fancy music system, the list goes on. But then I realized that these things didn’t really make me happy – I was either trying to have something that no one else in my circle had or I was trying to have something that everyone else in my circle already had. That was my first insight on happiness – we spend too much time and resources trying to catch up or stay ahead of others and that can never be a source of happiness. Happiness comes from knowing and pursuing what we want for ourselves and enhancing our sense of self-worth.
Armed with that initial insight, I started thinking of the things I really wanted for myself, things that truly make me happy. The answers came easy – I enjoy life experiences – parasailing on the sea during sunset, walking on a quaint, cobbled street by a massive lake whose end can’t be seen, watching some mesmerizing live performances or, like I did yesterday, swimming in the rain. The memories of such moments stay etched in my mind and make me happy long after they are over. I also cherish relationships – I may not have a lot of friends but I have deep, strong bonds with the ones I have. Nothing makes me happier than spending time with people whose company I enjoy. I identified a few others – like pursuing some of my interests, being able to contribute to my work and people around me positively and so on.
The biggest realization that listing the things that made me happy brought was that almost none of it had to do with career success. Here I was, spending an inordinate amount of time defining and pursuing career goals when what I really should have been doing was to define and pursue life goals. Life is too short to start living after one’s career is over. In fact, for some unfortunate people (and who knows, I may be one of them), life runs out even before their career is over. A career is not entirely unimportant – after all, it is a source of self-worth but it is one of the sources, surely not the only source. On a similar note, the money that it fetches is important but as I now know only few of the things that make me happy require spending money. And, most of those things, I already have.
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Afterthought: I don’t write this blog very often but enjoy doing so greatly whenever I do. Though it’s quite a challenge to come up with topics and capture random thoughts when they do occur to me. I believe there are many good apps for amateur writers out there. Must buy an iPad one of these days!
But how does a nation deliver on its promise to allow its people to pursue happiness? How does one define an amorphous and intangible concept like happiness? I was pondering upon such problematic thoughts one Sunday morning a couple of months ago, while the week’s laundry lazily swirled in the washing machine, when a group of friends dropped by for lunch. After everyone had settled in and enough beer had been had for no question to seem out of context, I hurled that bizarre question at them that no guest expects to be asked over a leisurely lunch – what did happiness mean to them? As expected, the first response I got was a round of bewildered looks that face readers might interpret as “where the hell did that come from”? When I explained that I had been thinking about the words in the American constitution after watching the movie on TV, people got over their initial astonishment and started opening up.
The first answer was firmly grounded in the present moment when Suhas (all names changed) said that happiness to him was a lazy lunch on a Sunday afternoon talking rubbish with friends over chilled beer. All of us agreed with him, even as we delved deeper into the concept. What we all knew and was re-affirmed was that happiness meant different things to different people – to Priya, it was the recent moment when she learnt that she had got a much awaited promotion (she defined it more broadly as achieving goals she set for herself); to Shekhar it was the experience of fatherhood; Urmi found happiness in being by herself and playing the guitar (she is the mother of four-year old twins); her husband – Amit, who is a motor bike junkie, is happiest when he is riding his Harley Davidson on the national highway early in the morning with his fellow members of the Harley owners’ club; or when he is playing with his children. In the meanwhile, Suhas thought some more (beyond his opening comment of having beer with friends on Sunday afternoon) and added that the day he felt really happy was when he bought an apartment in his hometown couple of years ago and moved his parents there from the rented place they were in earlier…. It was a fun conversation and like all such conversations it ended without any of us really knowing when it did – we had moved on to other topics and some more beer.
But the thought stayed with me. After they left in the early evening and I sat with my customary cup of tea in the balcony (like I mostly do on Sunday evenings), I started re-playing the conversation in my head and processing what it all meant. The first insight I got was a real revelation – no one spoke of things money buys. No gadgets, clothes, shoes, cars. Even when things that can be bought with money were mentioned – like Amit’s Harley Davidson motor bike or Suhas’ apartment – they were means to achieve a larger end – the pursuit of a passion in the case of Amit and the well-being of his parents, in Suhas’ case. What about myself, I thought? So many “things” made me happy – the iPhone I recently bought, the car, the fancy music system, the list goes on. But then I realized that these things didn’t really make me happy – I was either trying to have something that no one else in my circle had or I was trying to have something that everyone else in my circle already had. That was my first insight on happiness – we spend too much time and resources trying to catch up or stay ahead of others and that can never be a source of happiness. Happiness comes from knowing and pursuing what we want for ourselves and enhancing our sense of self-worth.
Armed with that initial insight, I started thinking of the things I really wanted for myself, things that truly make me happy. The answers came easy – I enjoy life experiences – parasailing on the sea during sunset, walking on a quaint, cobbled street by a massive lake whose end can’t be seen, watching some mesmerizing live performances or, like I did yesterday, swimming in the rain. The memories of such moments stay etched in my mind and make me happy long after they are over. I also cherish relationships – I may not have a lot of friends but I have deep, strong bonds with the ones I have. Nothing makes me happier than spending time with people whose company I enjoy. I identified a few others – like pursuing some of my interests, being able to contribute to my work and people around me positively and so on.
The biggest realization that listing the things that made me happy brought was that almost none of it had to do with career success. Here I was, spending an inordinate amount of time defining and pursuing career goals when what I really should have been doing was to define and pursue life goals. Life is too short to start living after one’s career is over. In fact, for some unfortunate people (and who knows, I may be one of them), life runs out even before their career is over. A career is not entirely unimportant – after all, it is a source of self-worth but it is one of the sources, surely not the only source. On a similar note, the money that it fetches is important but as I now know only few of the things that make me happy require spending money. And, most of those things, I already have.
Afterthought: I don’t write this blog very often but enjoy doing so greatly whenever I do. Though it’s quite a challenge to come up with topics and capture random thoughts when they do occur to me. I believe there are many good apps for amateur writers out there. Must buy an iPad one of these days!
